Only Ashes
by IndigoGlass
Summary: songfic. PG13 for language.


Only Ashes, an original songfic by IndigoGlass

disclaimer: I do not own these characters and I do not own the song 'only ashes' by something corporate

piece by piece and bit by bit, i'll break this down for you real slow

.....................

It was an unusually bright day. He groaned, cursing the blinding slivers of light that crept into his eyes as long as he was lying down. Placing one foot on the floor, he stared at the other wall, a monotonous distraction. His hangover was enormous, and he could remember nothing of the previous night.

'_story of my life_' he mused, then laughed. It was a dry, forced laugh that quickly turned into a cough. He eyed the glass of clear liquid on the nightstand before gulping it down.

'_I hope that was water.....'_

Scowling, he grabbed his trademard jacket and left, slamming the door behind him. He needed to get out and maybe eat something. When had he last eaten? When had they last eaten- his friends?

It wasn't like he could quite call them friends now, though. He felt like they were reverting back to the stiffer term 'posse' these days. Things were supposed to change, but hey, people are like that. Most people didn't like to venture out of their comfort zones.. to make themselves vulnerable.

Hah. Theres another thing he should know plenty about.

Fighting a sudden wave of dizzyness, he sat on a bench and leaned back until his head was hanging over the edge and everything was upside down. Even with the flipped view, everything still looked the same-

uncertain.

The colors seemed to bleed together till everything revolved around and around him and then it mercifully stopped.

....................

but i cant whisper all of this, and i cant seem to let this go

...................

She had been staring down for two hours. Two hours staring at her shivering hands clasped together, at her scuffed boots, at the sickly green linoleum floor. Two hours pulling her sleeves longer when the acute red lines began to peek out, and two hours blinking and complaining about her contact whenever a nurse happened to pass by. So they didnt know she was crying. She had a lot of secrets. The biggest one was lying in a bed in front of her, and that was why she couldn't look at him. Its not like he would have noticed. He was always oblivious of her help, and even more so now. Oh well. Omega knows he needs the sleep. Thats why she needed to be there for him, so she could help him and stand by him like she always tried to. Like she failed last time. Like now, it seemed. It seemed like she had been failing to be there for him a lot lately. It was never a question of his own independence, he had so much of that most people ignored the fact that he just needed someone. Or at least, she thought. That was why she was trying to stand by him again, just like before, when they were more innocent..

..................

so i watch the matches turn to ashes

.................

He coughed, slightly nervous.

There was no reason for him to be nervous. He wasnt even doing this because he wanted to. Its just that everyone else was 'busy' and the job fell on his shoulders. He looked down at the cheap drugstore flowers in his hand. They already seemed to be wilting, and the laminated card reflected the hospital lights harshly. He reached the door, then paused.

He really didn't want to do this. Besides the fact that he was sick of being the 'errand boy' and feeling used, he almost didnt want to see Seifer this way. Vulnerable. Its like, when you have an image of something or someone and then its kind of broken. Thats why he had been avoiding seifer. Ever since the whole big thing that happened, he didn't want to see him broken like this. He had heard stories. Bad sad things that made needles prick at him inside while he smiled and did everything like normal. _'I can't do this!'_ he thought, at the same time as he pushed the door open, forcing a cheerful grin on his face. He caught a glimpse of himself in a mirror in the wall. It looked like he was grimacing. He quickly put his expression to that of optimism, and turned to face them. Seifer was still out cold, Fujin had her head bent over and didn't seem to notice him entering.

"h-Hi"

he said, stuttering over it a bit, attempting to break the gloomy ambiance of the room. Not even a flicker of a reaction. He turned his back to them, suddenly feeling assaulted by the puke green floor, the artificial lighting, the sluggish fan just stirring up the old air. Placing the wilted flowers on a cabinet, he turned to say goodbye and get the hell out of there.

Fujin was staring at him.

Not suspiciously, not accusingly. It was almost as if, she was asking him 'why? why did this happen?'. Pleading and yet hostile at the same time. He opened and closed his mouth. Shutting it finally, he walked unsteadily towards the door. The click of the door echoed in the halls, and he closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around himself as he ran the fuck out of there. Too weird.

..................

i watch the matches turn to ashes

..................

chapter one is complete! (not to mention short..) comments would be greatly appreciated

:] arigato! (thanks!)


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